Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Forever the Aunt and Uncle, Never the Parents!

What would it be like to never have our own children, is something I've been asking myself a lot more than I would like to lately.

We had a post operative semen analysis done last week and the numbers came back 5.5 million lower than the second analysis we had done before Chris's surgery. Yes, you heard me LOWER! We're crushed. I'm sure with the many factors we are dealing with that all of them are contributing in some way shape or form. But it doesn't make it any less hurtful.

I'm struggling to find a positive outlook on this situation so we've decided that giving up, for right now, is what we need. No more worrying about what cycle day I'm on, no more peeing on ovulation sticks and no more ordering pregnancy tests in bulk.

This whole crazy roller coaster has done some strange things to our relationship. Chris and I feel closer than ever and feel like we could climb mountains together but in other ways it's driving a wedge right between us. He doesn't know how to comfort me when I'm upset; he just wants to fix it. I usually don't have the mental energy to listen to his frustrations. These are things we want to work on and conquer before moving forward in this process.


We have a final analysis in December with Christopher's Urologist and we will make some choices with all of the information we have then. In the mean time, I'm sure I will still be talking a lot about our struggles with trying to have a child and all the crazy emotions that come with it.

8 comments:

Jessica Warrick said...

so sorry to hear of your struggles with this. im sure in due time you will get your precious gift form god. whether by natural pregnancy or adoption.

Katie said...

I'm so sorry, Christy. But I completely understand the need for a break. I also understand the ways in which IF brings you closer, while at the same time being completely frustrating! Men want to fix the problem, while women just want to be held and heard. It took Joey and I a long time to get on the same page with about things - emotions and plans. You'll get there, because you already have a strong marriage for going through this.

Thinking of you!

PetiteLittleGirl said...

I am sorry to hear that Christine. I had tears in my eyes reading your post. I think giving it up for right now is a good solution. You two both need a break. You and Chris will get through it because you guys have each other.

The Domestic Princess said...

Thank you Ladies for all the support, it really means a lot to me.

Linds said...

I'm so sorry! That's terribly heartbreaking, especially when things looked so promising. I completely relate to how you two feel towards each other. DH and I went through those same emotions, which is why we chose to quit TTC when they told us to start Clomid. I don't think people really understand how truly stressful it is on a relationship until they've walked the path of infertility... however long or short they were on it.

The Vibrant Wife said...

So sorry about the follow-up results, Christy! I am keeping you in my prayers!

Rachel said...

i'm so sorry christy. you're in my thoughts more often than you probably know.

The Domestic Princess said...

Thanks Rachel! We miss you